No Onions Nor Garlic by Srividya Natarajan

Author:Srividya Natarajan [Natarajan, Srividya]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9788184758818
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2012-12-26T00:00:00+00:00

Professor Ram staggered into the university late Tuesday morning, looking more than a little haggard. Though he was dressed as nattily as ever, and though his hair was combed flat and his eyebrows were oiled, there were bleary bags under his eyes, and the different strata of his neck were tending to run into each other with exhaustion. He was feeling very nervous. He had, as we know, missed his full quota of beauty sleep, and his heart was brooding on the symbolism of his dream. Once Jiva gets that job, Ram, the dream seemed to say, all will be over with you. You will be finished, a has-been, obsolete—oh, keep her out, Ram, Lord of the English department, keep her out. Fail her in the viva voce and let the V-C know, and the job will be Chunky’s. So sang the voice in Professor Ram’s head, over and over, like a chant.

As he came up the stairs to his office he saw the V-C himself, standing in front of the English department notice-board. The V-C’s shoulders were shaking uncontrollably. Professor Ram had a fleeting impression that the V-C was laughing, but this was evidently a trick of the light. When the V-C turned around and saw him coming up, he was more sober than a judge who chugged nothing but gripe-water, on or off the rocks.

‘Good morning, Professor,’ said the V-C.

‘My God!’ said Professor Ram huskily, his eyes fixed on the notice-board beyond the V-C’s head. ‘Another one!’

Dwarfing the announcements about CONFLUENCE 2002 and the department football game was a sheet of paper. On the sheet of paper was a message in red marker like this:

SALE! SALE!! SALE!!!

Proffesor Ram’s 2nd book!

Original maniscript! First edition!

As a result of all the publishers rejecting,

Proffesor (Wancker) Rambo is selling it at the disstress price of only Rs. 1/-!

Buy one get one Laryngeez tablet free!

Goody goody gumdrops!! Ha Ha!

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